I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
jump out the window naked night went bad
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