So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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