there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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