worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
