lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
