When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
