I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
