the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
