Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
