arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
