yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
