i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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