The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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