wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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