Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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