I'm jealous of your bromance
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
