we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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