we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
