Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
