did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
