Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
