And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
