wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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