i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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