so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
