Your dad touched me again.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
