So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
