Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
