We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
