he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
