Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
