You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
