her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All the doctor said was why
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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