Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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