You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
