We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
