Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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