I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I think i got beer on your cat.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
