I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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