Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
