I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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