And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
