I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
