well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
