There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
