DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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