There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
