I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
