Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the day after is always just damage control
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
