It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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