Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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