It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
