Cold hands, warm shart.
Non-Jews are for practice
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
