please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
