I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
