You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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