Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
