I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
