Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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