I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
