if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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