he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
