just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
