To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
