dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
