Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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