I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
