I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
