Pappa wants mamma naked
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
