UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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