Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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