I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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