if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
