office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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