RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
