I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize