can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
