either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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