Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
