At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
