I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
