just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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