Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
