Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
