My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Do you remember whose house we're in?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
