Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
